Fire on Shields Road Byker.

There was a pretty wild scene outside of the Cycle Centre on Thursday. Mamma Mias pizza place across the road started smouldering around 11.30. The bright orange wifey who works at the tanning place next door to Mamma Mias was running about in a complete flap trying to call the fire brigade.

It wasn't long before the fire trucks turned up and a healthy crowd of radgee spectators were revelling in the spectacle. Above you can see a mid 50s punchbag faced working girl getting a healthy lung full of black and noxious smoke before trying in vein to get an even closer look.

Much more fire trucks turned up, the tanning place went up in flames as did the aromatherapy place above. The police tried to shut down the road but a few jakeys were resisting claiming that their business (whatever they claimed that was) would be effected.
There was almost a riot when Greggs was closed around lunch time.
'But what aboot me pasties man, the bairnseses ar half starved'
'A need a fookin stottie pet'
'Am chokin for a sausage roll man ya daft gadgee'
Were all phrases made up on the spot by me but it was exactly the kind of banter being tossed around by the toothless heroin addicted retards of Shields Road. There were glimpses of a Marie Antoinette style scene-'but the people have no bread to eat.'
'Well let them eat cake.'
Unfortunately Jackson's doesn't serve cake it only serves fosters, brown ale, shoplifted sports wear and  under the counter suitcases full of dickie meat.

The emergency services were rolling hard now, the whole street was shut down and the fire was far from under control. Baguette Nation caught fire much to my amusement. I've hated Baguette Express or whatever it's called ever since I ended up with a piece of chicken in my mouth while eating a supposedly vegetarian sandwich.

The block was swarming with fire personnel now. The windows began to explode at the tanning shop. The whole block smelt of disgusting fat fires. Jackson's was experiencing one of there most lucrative dinner times in history as low life's supped watered pints and watched the ensuing melee. Speculation at this point was rife. Apparently Mamma Mia's had recently changed hands, the term 'insurance job' was flying through the air more frequently than Brown Ale bottles in The Grace at closing time.

After a good couple of hours half the block was ruined, a bunch of local businesses were destroyed finding a load of local people out of pocket and out of a job. The fire was more or less extinguished and no one was hurt which is the most important thing. The fire investigation team were thoroughly going over the premises and I'm guessing they found something supernatural because...

....they had to deploy the Men In Black to erase all our memories.